Following revelations that every 3.4 seconds, a Luxembourg City bus departs just as a breathless, desperate passenger arrives, VDL buses will now come equipped with an exterior bar that passengers may grab and hang from as the bus is leaving.

"The stainless steel bar will be covered in soft, easy-to-grip foam,” said Serge Farber, head of the Ideas Institute, a startup incubator that helps public entities to find cheap, imbecilic solutions to problems. “Passengers will be able to drop down at the next stop and board the bus as usual, or, if they choose, they can continue hanging until they arrive at their destination.”

Farber says that the plan confers many additional benefits, such as that if passengers’ clothes are a little damp, hanging on the outside will help them to dry. Also, he says, cruising around the city on the outside of a bus will give extroverts the chance to see and be seen.

“Imagine It's a fine, sunny day, and you’re wearing a new outfit and you just got your hair done, and you think, I wish literally all of Luxembourg City could see me,” he said. “Well, if you choose the right bus line and have a few hours to spare, your wish can become a reality.”

Fitness professionals also approve of the plan, saying that hanging is one of the simplest but best exercises you can do.

“Passengers who hang will develop killer upper-back, shoulder, and forearm strength,” said personal trainer and 1998 Miss Eislek Joelle Gondor. “I won’t be surprised if these new bus bars lead to a new, totally ripped society.”

Another benefit, Farber says, is that as they will not be able to look at their phones, hanging passengers will have the chance to clear their minds or, as in the past, strike up a conversation with other hanging passengers.

“We did a test run with 13 volunteers, and they all had very different opinions about what sort of grip is the best, which led to a very lively debate while they were hanging,” he said. “The four test subjects who insisted on an inward-facing grip all slipped and disappeared while the bus was moving, so I guess that solves that question.”

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