The turbo-roundabout at Kirchberg is a confusing one, not quite the mind muddle that is the magic roundabout in Swindon but it does confuse and flummox.
Left red-faced and sweaty-palmed, a 29 year-old fund accountant has little choice but to now find a new route to work.
David Trentbody, who recently relocated from Basingstoke, was busy navigating his way through the usual morning commute, when disaster struck.
Grinding to an embarrassing halt shortly before 8.15 am on an otherwise bright and sunny Tuesday morning his tale is a familiar one.
“Look, I dropped my vape, my ‘socials’ were going crazy, I wasn’t sure which lane I was supposed to be in, or which light was green and which was flashing and time just stood still.”
Trentbody, who has a clean driving license ‘in Europe’ was in third gear and not in first when trying to cut across a full three-lanes of traffic.
“I’m not an aggressive driver...normally but I really needed to shave five secs off my door-to-door time this morning - I was close to a PB!”
Annie Huxtable, a tax advisor was witness to the unmitigated embarrassment that unfolded. “At first, I just thought, here’s another flash ‘Harry’ in his X5 being all Lord of the Lanes. He was singing some pop track or something, the music was too loud to properly hear but it was awful. All I know is that he was giving himself the double thumbs up gesture and adjusting his mirrored shades in the rear-view mirror when he then tried to pull off ahead of all the other cars.”
Other commuters were in shock and disbelief as Trentbody lurched forward, then juddered to a halt. Apparently in a panic he activated the window wipers and heated seats, adding much heat to his already flustered temperament.
Jorge Svensson, a member of the Norwegian Rally Fan Club, was also in the vicinity; “This car...far too much power for a novice. If you are not concentrated...it’s a silly situation. He had a sticker on the back bumper: “Speed Rules, Outta My Way Bitches”, I think it said, which I found odd, as you can only read this when the car has passed you.”
Svensson went on to say that confusion and amusement were the overriding emotions for those stuck at the busy interchange, “You couldn’t really be angry, the guy was a mess. He was crying a bit and was shouting loads of the classically British words that the Brits say to everyone when they are wrong but want to blame anyone but themselves...”
The Rally fan, still visibly amused by the whole charade says that he learnt some new phrases, one of few positives to come out of the unnecessary delay, “Cock womble was a new one for me - I think I will use this at home.”
For the maligned fund accountant, life has only gotten harder.
“I can’t bring myself to drive that route again. I’m, already in therapy for PTSD, and I still can’t find the vape...I think it is wedged under the seat. I don’t know how to change the settings anymore. I pressed too many buttons at once and the whole thing has factory reset - the menus are in Latin.”
As if that wasn’t enough, word soon got back to his place of work.
“People are already calling me ‘Two Thumbs Trent’, I might need to find a new place of work too,” Trentbody said in a forlorn closing statement.
CCTV footage of the whole incident should be on 9Gag soon.
