Inspired by the Spanish streaming sensation Casa de Papal, a group of Luxembourg activists have stormed Sodhexo’s head offices with the mandate to print their own ‘untraceable’ Cheque Repas.
Donned in masks based on the works of Nana Sante, the dozen or so ‘cultural terrorists’ are hell bent on making a mockery of the Luxembourg mint.
“We thought about going for the printing presses of the Euro but we’ve got Oktoberfest to attend and these vouchers will come in handy,” said the Terrorist leader, Vianden in call to Luxembourg’s PM, Xavier Bettel.
“By printing masses of Chequies, we intend to flood the market and bring down the price of a Plat du Jour. Let’s face it, one or even two of these vouchers for a pork chop, some greens and maybe a glass of red, that’s not fair.”
Vianden went on to deliver a soliloquy on fuel tourism, coffee and the proliferation of marijuana. The erstwhile leader also cried foul about the injustice of the weighting behind the cheque system.
“Look...”, he said, using voice disguise software "...who gets to arbitrarily decide which people get 8.40Eur and who takes home the real prize of the 10.40Eur? It’s just not right”.
Authorities tried to trace the origin of the call using hi-tech means but were unable to define whether it was coming from a hunting shed in Brameschaff or indeed from the Sodhexo HQ itself.
“We could not complete the trace, the swines may be being too clever and are routing their calls through France, Belgium or even Germany” Lt. Eave. Sdropper of the Luxembourg Army claims.
“If we put agents in the field, we risk taking our eyes off the prize and the main event is here at Sodhexo, our principle concern is getting the people out.”
The offices in Bertrange have been cordoned off for the past 12 hours as police negotiators attempt to find a deal that would secure the safe release of the 15 or so Sodhexo employees currently held captive.
It is thought that the “dreckeg zwielef”, as the media have taken to calling them, managed to get into the premises in the early hours of the morning dressed as internet shopping delivery personnel.
Word first came of the hostage situation through a viral video spread on social networks.
Wiltz, second-in-command, gave this chilling message... “Penny pinchers of Luxembourg, your time is up. We are tired of over-paying for midday meals and having to deal with the amounts of advertising in our cheque repas packets, we have decided that enough is enough...stand with us as we tell the rich to remember the poor (comparatively speaking in relation to EU standards).”
Despite not being able to storm the premises until the exact nature of the situation is uncovered, officials have been able to identify a number of members of the gang. General Gilbert has released the following information:
“Rumelange, we know as Jean-Baptiste LeCroix, a former bridge engineer. Differdange, we have uncovered as being Laurence Bintz a petty thief who masterminded a large scale theft of pastries from Oberweis in the city centre in 2005 and we have a lead on Grevenmacher, who we believe to be Bengt Sodurjsson, a former Norwegian stock-broker, who came to Luxembourg two-years ago to work for one of the BIG FOUR.”
Meanwhile, the special task force assigned to the case are binge-watching the series on Netflix to try and get an idea of that the hell to do.
“We don’t see an immediate resolution...” a spokesperson has said "...the fourth season has only just streamed.”
