Christine Fandel is 38 years old. She has been living with schizophrenia for more than 15 years. However, it took a long time for her to acknowledge her illness.
Christine Fandel's story began at the age of 22 when she was struggling in her relationship, battling emotional pressures, and getting lost in her own thoughts. These thoughts, intense and often overwhelming, felt like intuitions she believed couldn't possibly be hers; they could be described as obsessive.
"I started thinking that people could read my mind. While talking to someone, I'd constantly tell myself, 'You mustn't think anything cheeky now!' Yet, I'd inevitably have these cheeky thoughts, and I'd feel terrible, fearing the person could read my mind and I'd insulted them," Fandel shared.
Haunted by the fear of offending and hurting both loved ones and strangers, Fandel retreated into isolation. In a bid to escape her distress, she embarked on a journey to Prague in the autumn of 2008. She believed that people there spoke a different language and couldn't comprehend her thoughts. At this point, she was convinced she possessed telepathic powers and was meant to save the world. However, her situation deteriorated rapidly in Prague.
She stopped eating because she didn't want to spend money. Every cent saved was dedicated to her mission to save the world. She couldn't sleep either as her head throbbed with increasing intensity. Concerned for her well-being, her parents made the decision to find her in Prague and bring her back home.
"In the car, I told my parents, 'I think I need to go to the hospital.' My parents agreed, and I spent the holidays from 2008 to 2009 in the hospital. It was there that I was quickly diagnosed with schizophrenia. I accepted it but didn't fully come to terms with it," Fandel recalled.
Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that disrupts the thoughts and emotions of those affected, often leading to a loss of touch with reality and the experience of hallucinations. These hallucinations can manifest as hearing voices, feeling persecuted, or having a profound belief that others can read one's thoughts.
"The aggressive schizophrenic persona is a distorted stereotype"
Fandel underwent medical treatment at the hospital to manage her condition. Alongside her intense thoughts and the belief in her telepathic abilities, she experienced a pervasive sense that signs and symbols are guiding her actions. For instance, two pictures in her hospital room, one depicting London and the other a philosophy book, played a pivotal role in determining her next move. While still in the hospital, Fandel resolved to pursue a doctoral degree in philosophy in London and proceeded to apply to a London-based university, where her application was successfully accepted.
Following her hospitalisation, she pursued her studies in London while also engaging in therapy with a psychiatrist. At one juncture, she decided to discontinue her medication due to concerns that it was altering her personality. However, this decision would prove to be ill-advised.
"I never heard voices; they were more like hallucinations. Like images in my head. These images portrayed me suddenly turning aggressive and beating someone up. But I never actually harmed anyone. The aggressive schizophrenic persona is a distorted stereotype, largely perpetuated by media and films," Fandel asserted.
Subsequently, Fandel had to withdraw from her university studies again. She resumed therapy and medication as part of her ongoing treatment.
"It took me ten years to acknowledge my illness"
After many ups and downs, Fandel finally acknowledged her mental illness. It was through the process of therapy that she came to understand her condition, recognising that it was driven by years of pent-up anger seeking an outlet. While schizophrenia can have a genetic component, it can also be linked to psychological and physical trauma, as well as substance abuse. However, none of these factors applied to Fandel's case, making her the first in her family to grapple with this mental health challenge.
Today, the Luxembourg national is managing her condition relatively well. Although she encounters periodic phases during which her grip on reality feels "shaky," particularly in stressful situations that evoke overwhelming emotions, she navigates these challenges with the aid of her medication. She has also learned to identify the warning signs and cues, thanks in part to her family's unwavering support and the vigilance of those close to her.
"I have a few people in my life who I trust to tell me, 'Christine, you seem different,' or 'Be cautious,' and I've learned to heed their observations. They can often see things from a more neutral perspective than I can," she noted.
"There's no shame in asking for help"
Fandel's journey, which saw her grappling with the acceptance of her own illness, has fuelled her determination to raise awareness about schizophrenia, with a particular focus on educating the younger generation. In collaboration with "KonschtWierk" in Ehlerange, a picture book titled D'Christine huet Schizophrenie ("Christine has schizophrenia") has been created to facilitate conversations with children about this condition.
Motivated by her own nieces and nephews, Fandel wanted a tool to help children understand her unique situation. The picture book serves this purpose and is seen as a valuable resource for early education. Fandel believes that instilling awareness at a young age is essential, as children tend to be more open-minded and less burdened by biases.
In her efforts to combat stigma, Fandel emphasises the importance of early diagnosis, highlighting that seeking help should never be a source of shame. Drawing from her personal experience, she underscores that effective support is readily available. In addition, Fandel shares her own story through public conferences.
Mental health support services have been steadily improving, and the landscape for individuals with mental illnesses is evolving for the better. Notably, more people are sharing their experiences, and initiatives such as the Intervoice World Conference, held in Paris on 26 and 27 October this year, contribute to the growing awareness and resources in this field.
Christine Fandel at a seminar organised by the Luxembourg League for Mental Hygiene. / © Luxembourg League for Mental Hygiene
Mental health: Are you in need of help?
Luxembourg League for Mental Hygiene [FR]
Psy Network - Psychological Help Outside [FR/DE]
Association of Families with a Relative Suffering from Psychosis in Luxembourg [FR]
