If you’re familiar with the expat scene, then you’ve likely heard the term “trailing spouse.” It’s essentially when one person follows their spouse’s career and moves abroad. Most of the time, it’s overwhelmingly the wife who follows her husband’s career to move abroad. That’s the case with me, and now that I’m thinking of it, every single one of my friends here, with the exception of Cullen Bass.
Cullen, and a small but growing group of husbands, are bucking the trend and following their wives’ careers abroad. I have been the “trailing spouse” twice, once in Dubai and once here in Luxembourg, and each time it has been difficult. The trailer is often forced to get scrappy with their career, switch industries, take a lower position or not work at all. In fact, when we moved here, trailing spouses of third country nationals (so not EU citizens essentially) were not allowed to work in Luxembourg at all. They have only recently changed the law. If you’re curious about the ins and outs of this lifestyle, and how it can lead to incredible personal growth and family bonding, you won’t want to miss this episode.
At the time of the recording, Cullen was father to one little girl with a second on the way. Since then, the baby has been born (congratulations Bass family!!). I was intrigued by Cullen’s story of moving to Luxembourg. Cullen shatters the stereotype of the woman following the man by not only willingly embracing his role as the main caregiver, but actually seeking it out ahead of time. In order to make this happen, he had to support his wife’s career in a bustling financial institution. And when I say “supporting”, I mean really supporting. Have you ever heard of a husband washing his wife’s pumping apparatus and getting the ice cooler ready for the next day?!
Cullen shares how he and his wife took the bold step to embrace this international move with their five-month-old baby. The challenges were significant – adjusting to a new culture, managing language barriers, and finding their community in Luxembourg. But Cullen dove into his role, finding solace and support in online communities for dads and the vibrant local expat groups.
One of the standout parts of our discussion was the daddies of Luxembourg network. This community played a pivotal role in Cullen’s integration into Luxembourg life, turning what could have been a lonely journey into a shared adventure. For any trailing dads considering a move, tapping into such communities can be a game changer.
The particulars are different, but the common themes for families making it work is the same. You’ve got to get out there, join things, say yes to everything in the beginning, and maintain boundaries for personal sanity. I was honestly touched by how well he and his wife work together in partnership. Give it a listen, and let me know what you think!
If you’ve got an idea for the show or you’re interested in being a guest yourself, please email me at momlife@rtltoday.lu. And if you want to keep in touch, please find me on Facebook and Instagram @momlifeinluxembourg.
