I’m 18, and for about three years I had a budding idea of where I want to work, starting when I was 16 and culminating this December, a peak which lasted until the Coronavirus hit Europe.
It was niche, to say the least.
I had seen ads for it in my favorite journals and magazines, and I laid awake on weekends dreaming of the sheer enjoyment I would receive when I finally placed my application in and waited for the process to sweep me away into bliss.
This notion dictated where I applied for university, what I did in my spare time during high school, what apps I used to communicate with friends, who I fraternized with.
In retrospect, a lot of it made sense in terms of the end result in my higher education, but I think I took things too far. My parents would say that I was too specific, but I was lost in romanticizing my career.
In the end, I worked hard and made this increasingly specific dream my sole focus.
Flash forward to when the Coronavirus hit Luxembourg. At first, I was a little upset, but as the days went by, I began to unravel. I began to become alone with my thoughts more often, and with an increasingly relaxed state of mind with only online classes attaching me to the outside education I was craving, I began to question. Was I being to specific? Could I have loosened up a little bit?
The decision notifications from universities kept coming in, and I was left with head resting on a hand, deep in thought. While elated or disappointed at results, my mind was elsewhere, projecting into the future, creating backup plans and alternate routes towards success.
The final dismantling of my pre-Coronavirus preconceptions of the future came in a webinar for one of my top choices. I came very late, halfway through, and seemingly when the questions got more specific. Each kid was talking about first-semester internships, first-year internships, and networking sessions, and suddenly, I was thrown out of the loop I had put myself in.
To be honest, it was a little frightening, seeing these questions from kids who saw the best years of their lives as a steppingstone towards a career.
What frightened me more was the dawning realization that I had had these exact same questions not but a few months ago and felt just like the others in the webinar. In a word, it was saddening.
Listening to these questions and their answers while the webinar was winding down, I began to feel more self-assured.
Who says I have to have it all figured out by 18? Did anyone? Can’t I just live my life full measure?
What’s even stopping me?
Fate has a weird way of showing you the things you missed, and when I realized I was being too caught up in a dream that has a high chance of not panning out the way I wanted, I was not angered or upset, but genuinely happy.
These days, I’m taking it day by day.
I hope that you all are staying at home, safe and healthy, and that this crisis if nothing else helped you to look at what you’re doing from the outside, and work to improve.
Best Regards,
Anonymous
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Eds. note: RTL Today has been in contact with the person who has penned this very personal article, and we have checked that all is ok. Further, we have received parental permission, even though the individual is over 18. Anyone feeling the pressures of covid, whatever should contact SOS Détresse. We also usually do not accept anonymous submissions, and made an exception due to circumstance.
