'Social media should not be a child's only interest'

Social media and screen time are woven into the fabric of modern living. For parents of teenagers today, one of the biggest problems to be faced is how to ensure they navigate the myriad platforms safely while limiting the toxic effects on their developing minds.

The alarm has been sounded for some time on the necessity of online safety for teenagers and while being globally connected is wonderful, parents need to be vigilant about the pitfalls.

RTL Today spoke to psychologist Alison Adams, who works with teenagers, about the trends she sees among this age group and how parents can help their teens become smart users of the internet.  

What are some of the things you have observed in your practice about the use of social media among teenagers'?

The biggest negative point around social media that I see in my office is a cycle wherein anxious youth use their phones/ screens to distract themselves from discomfort in life. That dependence lowers their distress tolerance, lowers their ability to interact well with others or effectively address their anxiety... which over time increases their anxiety. So, the device used as escapism very often ends up perpetuating the core issue. 
 
People can have the misconception that social media is a harmless distraction; while it can be, for youth the content that they encounter on social media apps is very often anxiety-inducing... such as fear of missing out ("FOMO"), comparing self to others, worries that one's life isn't exciting or cool enough, exposure to worrying global issues, misinformation, and more. Even seemingly innocent content can impact us more than we realise in the moment.

Being constantly exposed to the good and bad in millions of others' lives around the world can emotionally exhaust us. Being constantly available for others to contact, and feeling like we must stay available and reply as soon as we see a message, is also exhausting and another potential layer of pressure for teenagers. 
 
There is a risk of youth not developing appropriate in-person social skills when they spend too much time online. I have met teenagers of all ages who are socially behind their peers because they missed key in-person moments with classmates by being on screens too much.

This is quite sad to witness, because it often makes a child's anxiety worse and pushes them further inward and online instead of into the real world around them.  
 
Being afraid of or uncomfortable with social interaction also sadly tends to keep kids away from trying new activities, joining clubs, or even keeping active, so the knock-on effects can really be far-reaching.

So while online friendships can be valuable ones for youth, they often are not quite as fulfilling as in-person friendships because the relationship is inherently limited to the virtual world and limit kids' social development. 
 
Overexposure to screens and social media can and does contribute to sleeping issues in youth. This is partially due to the bright light, but also the amount of time a young person is sitting or lying completely sedentary without using their brain or body -- when they try to settle in to sleep, they can be agitated, restless, or not even close to tired yet!

Also the constant stream of content can keep the brain "on" even after we disconnect. None of this is relaxing or beneficial for good sleep, which is very important in growing young people! 
 
I have met plenty of lovely teenagers who become agitated, easily irritated, and snappy after too much time being sedentary and mindlessly using social media. This can happen to any of us but is more worrisome in youth especially as their brains are still developing.

The scientific community is still not sure of the long-term effects of social media use on teens' self-esteem, attention span, moods, emotional maturity and development, physiology, or social skills. It is difficult to measure these things and the data is coming in, but slowly, so we are not even fully sure of how big the issue of youth social media usage is! 

Social media brings with it both healthy and unhealthy effects on mental health. Is this fair to say?

Yes, I would agree with this statement. I have met teenagers who can use social media responsibly, and even a few who have deleted their social media on their own because they noticed that they were becoming too dependent on it, or it was using up too much of their time.

On the other hand, I have also met teenagers who insist that their extremely high usage is normal or "not a big deal", but who very much show the signs of too much use (such as increased anxiety, poor sleep, and poor time management to name a few) but are ignoring these effects or insisting they are due to something else. 
 
Social media in itself isn't an inherent villain. Plenty of teenagers that I know use it responsibly to communicate with friends and family, deeply explore personal and professional interests, and enjoy media from all around our interconnected world. Being globally connected can be beautiful, and in general a child of an appropriate age being on social media isn't automatically a bad thing.

What we really need to look out for is the amount of time spent on the phone (and on screens in general), the type of content being viewed and posted, and appropriate privacy settings. What we really want to avoid is social media becoming a child's only or main interest, and for the phone to become a child's main source of information or entertainment.

Children and teens have so much intelligence and potential, that I always find it a shame when these great qualities are only used online or are even stunted by excessive social media use. 

How can parents help their teens to use social media responsibly and limit the possible harmful effects of over exposure?

It is always ideal if parents can help to guide their teens to find a balance in life: this goes for everything, not just social media. If a young person has enough interesting people and hobbies in their life, they are generally less likely to spend hours on end scrolling. The biggest inherent motivator for any of us to disconnect from our internal worlds and our cell phones is, well, to engage externally!

Parents can also decide for themselves if it is necessary to instill screen time limits on their children's devices, or to require kids to leave their cell phones outside of their bedrooms at night. For parents of younger children who have their first smartphone, it is advisable for parents to have access to any social media accounts in the beginning.

In your experience is face-to-face contact with friends, within this cohort, being replaced more and more by virtual friendships and social media use? 

Honestly, I do not see this very much in the clients I have worked with. I do know a few young people who have not prioritised face-to-face socialising because they prefer to spend their time talking with online friends, or because they are socially anxious and prefer the safety of the internet over the uncertainty of in-person socialising.

This is a real problem and something that we as parents absolutely need to be looking out for. Online communication is valid, but it cannot be a child or teen's only form of socialization.

Generally, children are still inherently social creatures and from my experience they still prefer in-person hang-outs, especially as they get older. Teens who settle for strictly online interaction are often not happy to do so and would still see friends face-to-face if given the opportunity. 
 

How important is it for parents to be a role model for their teen with their own social media habits and help set a good example for them to follow? 

Children and teenagers observe their parents more than they realise! They are often very aware of any differences between what we ourselves as parents do, and what we tell them, our kids, to do. If your child sees that your phone is your main source of entertainment, or that you are using it a lot during family time, they may find it harder to understand why your use is any different from theirs or why only they should have time limits.

At the same time, kids and teens should be able to understand that sometimes parents are obligated to use computers or the phone for work, admin and family management. 
 
Doing boring adult things online counts as screen time, so we still need to monitor our time spent doing so versus living our real in-person lives, but these things are also different from a teenager scrolling on TikTok.

This is another situation where open discussion is important; just because we want to instill good lessons in our kids doesn't mean we have to pretend like cell phones aren't also a natural part of our lives. Balance and mindful usage are indispensable when we talk about screens and social media. 
 
 We also should not forget that we adults are just as likely to experience the negative side effects of social media. While we may not be as heavily influenced in that we have more established lives and our brains have fully developed, we are also very much able to feel FOMO ("fear of missing out"), worsened anxiety or depression, and/or have our insecurities poked at by social media.

It is good for all of us, regardless of age, to cultivate varied interests and to simply use our devices as tools in our lives rather than them becoming our entire world! 
 

Are there useful resources available in Luxembourg for parents who want to help their teen navigate and positively manage the world of social media? 

The website BEE Secure is a one-stop shop for information and practical guides, a way to report illegal or suspicious online activities, and a helpline for people of all ages to contact for Internet-related issues and questions. Their website is only in French and German, so I'm not sure if their support line speaks English, but even if not there is an option to contact them in writing through an online form.

On an EU-wide level, this website offers English-language resources, informative articles, and even a guide to common smartphone apps. Additionally, ZEV offers help for social media addiction, video game addiction, and similar issues for free and anonymously; again, their website is only in English and French, but they may have English-language services. 
 
By far the best resource available to parents, though, is open conversation with their kids... it's cheesy, but it's true! It is our job to be sure our kids are entering their own lives as healthy, balanced, and prepared as possible, and our best tool for this is open and non-judgmental communication.

Explaining why we as parents are concerned about social media use, what the potential dangers are, and how our kids can be more responsible online is far more effective than simply saying "because I said so" or "because it's bad for you". If you are finding open communication difficult at home, a family therapist or counselor can help facilitate the conversation. You can even involve your child's school counselor, if your child has an existing relationship with them.

Alison's practice, Alison Adams Counseling, is based in Luxembourg and can be contacted at adamspsylux@gmail.com.