Dear all, how young I look or don't look is none of your business

It was only last week that a man thought it was acceptable once again to estimate how old I was. And, as always, they gave me the ripe old age of 16. This is ironic, as I'm turning 24 in a week, and it made me wonder what a woman in her twenties is actually supposed to look like.

What is a 16-year-old even supposed to look like? It's not even people my age who think I look that young: it's a random delivery man, or a middle-aged woman I run into at the nursing home.

I know, I know, I'll be grateful to look young once I'm older, but right now it's becoming really annoying. I have come to a point where I no longer want to accept people assuming the right to guess my age.

A simple question suffices if you are unsure, but the blatant conclusion that I must be terribly young is insulting. I do not go around asking older people whether they should be retired by now, do I?

I understand that it is difficult to judge as a lot of young girls plaster their faces with make-up, blush, bronzer, and fake eyelashes until a 14-year-old suddenly looks like a woman in her mid-twenties. That is every woman's own choice, yet it should not be mandatory for women to look their age to men.

Ironically, after looking young for the majority of their lives, women are suddenly not allowed to age – society has created this image of the ever-young woman exempt of fine lines, crow's feet, or other signs of ageing. At the same time, it is frowned upon to get anything done – out in the open.

Women get fillers and face lifts frequently, although when they do they have to hide it carefully. If they show up with bruises on their lips of cheeks they will be the talk of the town. And then it's women hating on women too! Can you tell what a confusing message that sends to young women?

You are supposed to look young your whole life, though if you look too young you are not taken seriously either. When your skin's elasticity starts to decrease, there is this societal pressure imposed on you to remain youthful and fresh – how is that supposed to work without plastic surgery?

As I was thinking about this topic I delved into the numerous societal conventions and attitudes that are imposed on women throughout their whole lives. Women must be youthful, flawless, well-dressed, elegant, thin, yet not too thin.

I would like to quote some lines of America Ferrera's speech in Barbie, as she points out how hard and contradictory it is to be a woman: "It is literally impossible to be a woman", is her starting statement, and sometimes I could not agree more. "You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood."

Naturally, women should support women, but somehow we put each other down instead of lifting each other up. And what is it about tempting men? Do they not have any self-control?

"You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line." She ends her speech by admitting that she is "just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us", and this has echoed through to all women as we need to abide by these contradictions on the daily.

Our whole lives, we try to adhere to beauty standards and ideals that some man probably curated for a marketing campaign. In the 1950s, a curvy and healthy woman like Marilyn Monroe was admired for her body. It was the era of the soft and coy woman, the epitome of femininity.

Then, fast forward to the 2000s, skinny and low-rise flared jeans were trending, young women were starving themselves so that their hipbones would stick out of their jeans. We went through a period of extreme body positivity in the late 2010s to the early 2020s, yet now the low-rise trend seems to be back.

What is more, TikTok and Instagram influencers support that ideal, meaning that they also fall back into the trap of wanting to be as skinny as humanly possible.

A new beauty trend has also surfaced – the baby doll woman. An example that comes to mind is German model Heidi Klum's daughter, Leni Klum: she has big, blue, enchanting eyes, full lips – a beautiful 21-year-old woman. Her face is youthful, fresh, adorable even, but her body is perpetually sexualised: she has a big chest and feminine curves, exactly what the male gaze gravitates towards. It is the combination of her baby doll features and her sexualised body that appears problematic to me.

Another example would be Sabrina Carpenter, the Disney singer who has almost cast a spell on the whole world with her catchy songs and her short but sweet outfits. The 26-year-old embodies the same look as Leni Klum. She has full lips, big blue eyes, luscious blonde hair, and her outfits always highlight her female curves and her bust.

Allegedly, Carpenter creates her looks to appeal to the female and LGBTQIA+ gaze, but her emphasis on the flesh says otherwise. Are both of these women beautiful and talented? Yes, they are, and no one is doubting that. It is merely what they portray that is problematic, because they advocate for the extreme sexualisation of young women.

What I intend to express is that ageism goes both ways – of course, older women experience discrimination when it comes to being accepted to jobs or simply being desired by men.

However, young women are also confronted almost daily: it sounds like a silly thing to be angry at someone for guessing one's age wrong, but these little comments slowly undermine a young woman's authority, and it takes a significant toll on one's confidence.

So, to anyone reading this article, maybe think twice next time before you assess someone's age as looks can be deceiving.