Charlie (15), currently sleeps a lot and for a long time, buries himself in his room during the week and also on the last weekends. He cancels activities: "I'm too tired", "I don't feel like it". Sophie (14), complains constantly about stomach aches, about pressure from school. She spends a lot of time in her room, sits over her schoolwork, seems nervous and stressed. She regularly explodes, especially when it comes to family activities: "oh no, not that again", "leave me alone everyone". Lea (14) thinks she is too fat, doesn't like her body. She does a lot of sport, avoids calories and more and more often the family meals, with the excuse that she has already eaten.
All parents worry a lot about their children at times during puberty. Problematic behaviour is not an exception, but part of normality. Growing up is not easy. For many, the rollercoaster of emotions begins as early as the age of 11. In addition to the physical changes, emotional and social tasks must also be mastered: becoming independent, taking on responsibilities, learning to detach, testing boundaries, falling in love, coping with separations and much more. For some adolescents, this is a real challenge. During puberty and the uncertainties that go with it, mental abnormalities can occur.
It is not easy for parents to distinguish whether behavioural changes, such as the above examples, are just a phase of puberty, or whether they are warning signs that parents should be aware of.
An important seismograph for assessing whether a mental illness is present is the duration of the change in behaviour. So parents should ask themselves, what is worrying me and how long have I been observing the behaviour. If a conspicuous and changed behaviour lasts longer than 2 weeks, they should definitely talk to their child about their observations and their concerns. Contact a doctor or psychologist/psychotherapist together with your child. It may be that changes are normal manifestations of puberty, but they could also indicate serious mental disorders that need to be treated.
To fill the waiting time, but also so that your child has a neutral, low-threshold, safe place where he or she can turn to at any time without complications and find support and orientation, give your child the contacts of the KJT. Either the “Online Help" or our live peer-to-peer "Chatberodung", both accessible via: www.kjt.lu. The contact is direct, anonymous and confidential.
Perhaps other people involved with your child, such as grandparents, educators, teachers, carers, have also noticed the changes or are they concerned? Take these signals and indications seriously. Outsiders often observe your child in a different environment or do not see your child as often, so changes are easier for them to notice.
The following signs can be warning signs of mental illness: Withdrawal, anxiety, low mood, lack of energy, no desire to do what is usually fun, restlessness, particularly irritable, difficulty concentrating, performance problems, sleep problems, regular headaches/stomach aches and intestinal problems and other physical complaints, delayed menarche, changes in eating habits and weight-related changes, low self-esteem, feelings of guilt and worthlessness, negative and pessimistic outlook on the future, recurring thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, self-harm or suicide attempt.
Here are some helpful tips (inspired by Christine Nevermann, 2009): Accept your child's feelings. Be there for your child. Use the time together and talk to each other. Reinforce any positive behaviour. Do something pleasant, relaxed and enjoyable together. Try to motivate your child to leave his or her room and socialise. Make sure your child gets enough exercise. Encourage your child to write down or draw his/her thoughts. Create a warm and empathetic family atmosphere. Be less critical. Strengthen your child through recognition and praise. Provide a sense of achievement that strengthens the child's self-esteem. Do not ignore threats or statements to take one's own life. There is always something behind it. Make sure that they are doing well. Take the crisis as an opportunity to change.
Being a parent is wonderful. But sometimes it's not easy. If you are unsure, if you have any questions or simply need someone to turn to, then we, the English speaking Online Help for parents, are there for you. From Monday to Friday from 9 am to 12 pm and on Wednesdays from 5 pm to 8 pm. Contact us at www.kjt.lu.
