Why feelings and empathy have become a problem

Psychologist Johanna Degen warns that we are losing the ability to show emotional presence. Young people, in particular, are under a pressure that is not immediately visible.

It takes just a swipe, a click, a like, or a smiley. For a brief moment, it feels like connection, but this is where the real problem begins, says social psychologist Dr Johanna Degen.

She has spent years studying dating apps, parasocial relationships, and the emotional dynamics of our digital world. What she has observed should make us pause: "Today we have an incredible number of ways to communicate with each other. But at the same time, we are becoming less and less capable of truly being with each other."

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Tinder fatigue and emotionless communication

Dating is no longer taboo, but an app on a phone. People of all ages use Tinder, Bumble, or Grindr to find friendships, affairs, or love. Yet a new phenomenon is emerging: 'Tinder fatigue', an emotional exhaustion caused by constant swiping, shallow conversations, and missed opportunities.

"Many users say: I have written to 20 people, but none were genuinely interested in what I had to say", explains Degen. Communication is losing authenticity, and love is trapped in a cycle of hope, attraction, and disappointment.

Influencers are not our friends

Beyond dating apps, parasocial relationships are playing an increasingly significant role. People develop strong emotional bonds with online personalities they have never met and probably never will.

"It feels close, but it is an illusion. And that illusion often replaces real human contact," says Degen. This can lead to isolation, dependency, and a blurred line between reality and the virtual world. She has even developed a scale to measure how strongly people feel emotionally connected to influencers, a trend that is particularly evident among young people.

What is going wrong in our emotional education?

Together with partners, Degen founded the Teach LOVE project, which brings modern sex and relationship education into schools and social professions. The topics go far beyond what is traditionally taught in sex education:

Body image, LGBTQIA+, online pornography, consent, digital intimacy, mental health, and intercultural love.

Experience shows that many teachers want to discuss these topics but lack both psychological training and methodological confidence. Many young people experience love only through images on a screen, without ever learning how to engage empathetically, vulnerably, and responsibly with another person.

Why we need to relearn empathy

"Love is not something you click. It requires time, presence, and willingness", stresses Degen. What is being lost in the digital space is not the capacity for relationships, but the culture of building them.

She calls for emotional education that not only informs but also teaches life skills: understanding others' feelings, making compromises, setting boundaries, communicating, and not confusing love with attention or visibility.

More feeling, less illusion

Society does not need another dating app but a new approach to emotional coexistence.

Whether in schools, families, or online: love is neither a filter nor a feed. It is a decision and a skill that society must learn anew, says Degen.

© RTL