Saying he doesn’t understand why people make such a big deal about the muggings that now seem to occur every week, a man who moved to Luxembourg from a big city says you should see how it is where he’s from.

“Back home, we’ve got proper street crime,” he said with a look of pride on his face. “Not these little cash grabs you have here, which are probably just misunderstandings, kids in superhero masks asking for directions in a language you don’t know.”

“In my city, I once got robbed three times on the way to work and twice more on the way home, and by the end, all I had left was half of a sock and a watch they couldn’t remove,” he continued. “And that’s only because it’s actually a tattoo of a watch.”

“If you don’t get your phone violently snatched from you at least once a month, people whisper that there’s something wrong with you,” he added. “And you start to wonder if maybe you look or smell funny.”

The man, who comes from Mumbai, Buenos Aires, or possibly a village in the West Midlands of England, according to various sources, says he also finds it amusing how people in Luxembourg express concern about other minor unpleasantness such as petty drug dealing, home burglaries, or vagrancy.

“In my city, the richest and most exclusive neighborhood looks like the Gare district, and people feel lucky to live in such a quiet, safe place,” he said.

“And if the gang of criminals that take over your apartment while you’re at work remember to flush the toilet after they use it, you're genuinely grateful and you might feel compelled to give them a monetary tip or just let them have your place because hey, they're not leaving anyway.”

The man went on to say that during his three years of living in Luxembourg City, he’s walked around the center at night hundreds of times and he’s never felt as though he were in danger.

“Honestly, if someone in Luxembourg ever approaches me and demands my wallet, I’m sure they’ll do it in some linguistically polite form, and I’ll say, aren’t you a fine simple country fellow,” he said. “And I’ll give it to them just for the refreshing quaintness of it all.”

Read more at wurst.lu