The expat experience: finding home away from home

Whether you're an expat by choice or circumstance, navigating life in a new country comes with its own unique struggles and triumphs. RTL Today speaks to Dr Valeria Giannuzzi, a psychologist and entrepreneur specialising in mental health services for expats, to explore the emotional complexities of migration and what it truly means to call somewhere 'home'.

Growing up in Rome, Italy, Dr Valeria Giannuzzi was captivated by wanderlust. As a little girl, she used to tell her mother she'd like to live "far away", and as soon as she was offered an opportunity to study abroad as part of her university Erasmus programme, she grabbed it at once. "That was one of those points that changed my life forever. It was just like, wow, this is incredible. The world is big!" Since then, Dr Giannuzzi has lived in Spain, the Netherlands, Mexico, and now resides in the UK.

In January 2024, the percentage of migrants in Luxembourg stood at 47.3% – almost half of the population. I ask Dr Giannuzzi how to correctly refer to this proportion of the population. Migrants? Expats? Foreign nationals? "There are of course visa-related labels, for example, asylum seeker, refugee, expats with work permits, spouses, international students. In literature, we refer to migrants, rather than immigrants or emigrants, to express a circular movement."

However, Dr Giannuzzi tells me that internet searches or AI generated responses tend to throw up very different scenarios when prompted by different terminology. A search for 'migrants' tends to show sad, poor people, mostly darker skinned, in a difficult situation, such as escaping from war. 'Expats' on the other hand are usually represented by images of predominantly happy, white people in a friendly environment, working at a laptop. "Therefore, I believe we are yet to find a satisfactory label to represent each person's unique story."

Common struggles for expat families

In Luxembourg, we use the term expat to refer to the huge number of foreign-born professionals who have migrated for employment or education opportunities. These economic migrants are often accompanied by spouses and children. So, what are the typical challenges a traditional expat family would face?

Dr Giannuzzi points out challenges arise at every stage of the journey, and they vary depending on factors such as age, gender, family circumstances, and the reason for relocating. The individual who has secured the job will often have a clear and demanding list of tasks to manage before the move, which can be quite stressful.

Meanwhile, their partner may face an entirely different experience, particularly if they don’t have employment lined up or encounter issues obtaining a work visa. Children, too, may struggle with the lack of control over such a significant life change. It’s an emotional time, as saying farewell to friends and family can be incredibly difficult.

What about those who have had little to no choice in their migration journey? "Some people don't get to prepare for their departure. They are forced to leave their home due to catastrophe or war. They might need to leave immediately, without the chance to say goodbye or bring any of their personal possessions. Therefore, this type of migratory experience tends to hold a lot of trauma."

The reality of arrival

Upon arrival in the new country, Dr Giannuzzi suggests that a 'newbie' might experience one of two things. Some may have a 'honeymoon period', during which time they will enjoy exploring their new home and relish the excitement that they are finally living their dream.

Others may experience a culture shock, whereby the challenges of new languages and systems come as a big surprise.

Many partners have no choice but to adopt the role of trailing spouse and children might find it hard settling into a new school. "Regardless of how well you prepare in advance, things are not always as you expected. It can be very difficult if people don't like their new job or environment, or they find it hard to make friends."

Grief plays an important part in the migratory experience. Emotional struggles such as homesickness can lead to feelings of loneliness and depression. Obviously, in this initial phase, there are many things one will miss about home, some of them big – your friends, your old apartment, your favourite brunch spot. "Then there are little things that you will miss terribly. You will realise that they are an important part of you, of your taste and personality. For me, the thing I found I missed the most when living in Mexico was Italian burrata cheese!" laughs Dr Giannuzzi, as she recalls her attempts at trying to find a decent South American substitute.

In the years following this initial phase, people can experience identity issues. "There is a period during which some people feel like a foreigner, both in their country of residence and their home country. It is hard for them to define themselves and they tend to ask the question, where do I belong?".

People can have different levels of what Dr Giannuzzi refers to as identity porosity. She says, some people adapt to life in a new country by adjusting their behaviour to align with local customs – they might alter their mealtimes, lifestyle, sense of humour, or social habits. Others are less open to change, choosing instead to preserve their cultural traditions and maintain familiar routines. There’s no correct or incorrect way to approach acculturation; however, each method naturally leads to different experiences and levels of integration.

From Newcomer to Seasoned Migrant

On average, after five years or so, Dr Giannuzzi says that there is usually a transition to 'seasoned migrant'. "This is someone who has got into the rhythm of living in this country, they know the country well, they probably know the language and they are used to life there."

But this settledness brings a different set of challenges. "Issues regarding visas, nationality, and citizenship can be very emotional, particularly in countries where dual nationality is not available, and people must make choices regarding their identity.

Furthermore, as we get older, we worry about things like caring for ageing parents and setting up a network back home in case of emergency." Missing milestone celebrations and events can also be difficult. A seasoned migrant understands first hand that the world keeps on turning and life goes ahead without them; but feelings of sadness, inadequacy or guilt may remain.

And then of course, there are three options: a) remain in the new country for the rest of your days (one way migration); b) return to your home country (circular migration) or c) move to a different country (multiple migration) and start the process all over again!

For children, Dr Giannuzzi thinks that the experience of growing up as a 'third culture kid' (TCK) can be something really special. "I think that TCK children have increased sensitivity and a sharpened vision of reality. They probably see things no one else can, because of their unique perspective of being both an insider and an outsider. My personal approach to multiculturalism and multilingualism is always to add, never to take away."

Dr Giannuzzi acknowledges that it is not always easy to keep cultures and languages alive but is adamant that "the results are priceless. TCK children have access to incomparable cultural treasures and the rewards are amazing."

A new business with a healing mission

Dr Giannuzzi has gained an enormous amount of experience in working with migrants from all walks of life and has recently set up her own company, The Magic Stork. Why did she decide to launch this business? "There is a growing openness towards mental health but there is still so much to do. We need to flip the narrative and try to build a more preventative approach."

As well as mental health relocation packages and workshops, Dr Giannuzzi can offer online individual therapy sessions to Luxembourg residents, focusing on a specific moment of a person's life in connection to their migratory experience.

"One of the main aims of therapy is to find acceptance or peace. You don't need a diagnosis of depression or anxiety to take care of your mental health. You might just be curious, asking questions such as how can I live better with myself, accept who I am, where I am, what I'm doing? How can I improve my relationships? How can I reach my goals?"

Whatever your expat background, Dr Giannuzzi encourages us all to communicate and talk openly about our stories. "There is beauty in every migratory experience. When you are a migrant, you become a 'cultural infant' (hence the reference to the stork, traditionally associated with the delivery of babies). You have to learn everything all over again. I want to encourage your curiosity and bring a magic spark to your journey!"

For stories on expat experiences in Luxembourg, head to The Expat Family on RTL Today or tune in to Mom Life in Luxembourg!

Want to share your expat story? Email us at contenttoday@rtl.lu with "Expat Stories" in the subject line.