Contrary to what one might expect in a market that specialises in chemical-free, naturally grown food that should make those who eat it feel energized, everyone in a Luxembourg City organic food shop acts as if they were just shot by a tranquiliser dart, according to sources.

“Why are all the people in this shop walking slowly, speaking in whispers, and languidly filling their baskets like a visitor to a 19th-century opium den laying out his personal belongings before reposing for a long session?” asked first-time customer Guido Mercier as he yawned.
 
The curious effect of organic markets in Luxembourg has been noted by hundreds of customers over the years, but, struck by a deep weariness the moment they enter, they generally lack the motivation to report it to anyone.
 
It was only after a source working for the Wurst, amped up on two cans of energy drink and listening to thrash metal on earbuds at full volume, was able to go in, take notes, and get out before being overcome by drowsiness.
 
“It was like being in a zombie movie”, the source reported. “But one in which all the zombies dress in nice clothes, closely inspect ingredient labels, and carry high-quality reusable bags, the sort you can buy at that nature shop in Belle Etoile, or maybe they got it as a gift because they donated five hundred euros to those Greenpeace kids who hang around the city centre and are always a little too shy and awkward to ever approach you.”
 
One customer, recovering with an IV feeding pure espresso into her veins, confirmed that the moment she walked inside, her eyelids got heavy and she started dragging her feet.
 
“Maybe it’s because normal supermarkets play fun music and have bright lights, but in organic shops, the lights are dim and energy-efficient, and instead of music, all you hear is the shuffling of middle-aged people in expensive shoes, probably equitably sourced and made of bamboo or hemp.”
 
“It's a sound that puts you in a hypnotic trance and makes you want to lie down, and just talking about it, I’m getting a little sleepy”, she continued. “I think I’ll have a quick little nap, yes, right here in the parking lot.”
 
However, another person, a budget-conscious shopper who gets her food from whichever German discount supermarket offers the best deals, has posited another theory.
 
“It’s simply due to the prices in some of those organic shops”, he said. “Paying fifty euros for a chicken, two onions, and a tiny bag of walnuts would make anyone depressed and start to shuffle around like an elderly person who’s got up in the middle of the night to check if they’ve taken their pills.”