© iStock / J.P. Gomez
A team of physicists from the Center for Time Studies at the University of Wiltz have postulated that we have veered into an alternate timeline, evidenced by more than three weeks of consistently good customer service all around Luxembourg.
“We’ve received hundreds of glowing reports from perplexed but satisfied customers,” said Dr. Peter Vestergaard, who heads the center. “Everything from cashiers suddenly asking shoppers if they had found everything they needed, to sales staff approaching them to earnestly inquire if they wanted help.”
Corina Deluca says that while she usually feels lucky if she receives good customer service twice a year, she has been the lucky recipient of no fewer than five instances this month alone.
“It’s like what you see in fairy tales or Hollywood rom-coms, the sort of miraculous series of delightful events that reaffirms your belief in goodness and makes you want to sing ‘Happy Birthday to You’ to your neighbors even when it’s not their birthday.”
Dr. Vestergaard says that while the explosion in the number of instances of good customer service at first appeared unexplainable, he and his fellow researchers eventually remarked that the uptick occurred precisely after 9:13 on the morning of 5 July.
“The only explanation is that the timeline of Luxembourg as we knew it was interrupted by a cataclysmic event that caused us to veer into an alternate timeline,” he says.
Some of the possible causes include an explosion at the Cattenom Nuclear Power Plant over the border in France, a solar flare hitting the Grand Duchy, or the country suddenly deciding to pull out of Eurovision just two years after rejoining.
Dr. Vestergaard cautions that while we might start to get used to this new world of friendly greetings, warm smiles, and offers to help, we need to keep in mind that they are not necessarily permanent features.
“It could take just one more cataclysmic event to send us right back into the world of unenthusiastic bonjours, sour expressions, and general lethargy from shop staff.”
