By mid-morning, the recently freed kids had rampaged across the whole country, leaving destroyed land, a trail of candy wrappers, and the scent of bodies in need of a wash.

Amid cries of “we’re bored” and “there’s nothing to do,” hundreds of children recently freed from school rampaged across Luxembourg on Wednesday.
 
The children, ranging in age from five to 12 with a few embarrassed and hesitant teenagers thrown in, started near Mersch and fanned out in every direction. By mid-morning, they had covered nearly all the surface area, leaving destroyed land, a trail of candy wrappers, and the scent of bodies in need of a wash.
 
Garage employee Enzo Falco said that he first became aware of the children after hearing a distant rumbling that, as it got closer, turned into the grumbling of hundreds of whiny little voices.
 
“They stormed through the streets, glancing at storefronts, picking their noses, and chanting ‘what are we going to do today?’” he said. “I offered to let them watch me change an oil filter or learn about how an engine works, but their collective groan was so loud that it shook my building, and I had to drive them away.”
 
Librarian Susana Marques says she had anticipated the swarm of kids after her horoscope predicted chaos, snot, and hyperactivity.
 
“My colleagues and I stood at the entrance and tried to lure them inside with promises of exploration, hidden worlds, and row upon row of books, but they only rolled their eyes and kept going,” she said. “A few of them did stop and come inside, but that was only because they needed to pee or charge their phones.”
 
Sammy Hoffer, a spokesperson for the Office of Unruly Children, says that while residents should stand aside if they see the hoards of bored children approaching, there is nothing to worry about.
 
“Most of them will wind down by the afternoon and in some cases they will even take naps, right where they are,” he said. “The worst they will do is complain that there’s nothing to eat, which is painful to hear, especially considering that the fridge is full and all they have to do is move their lazy butts and make something.”
 
“If you ignore them, their instincts will take over, and eventually they will feed themselves,” he added.
 
According to several reports, the rampaging children were trailed by thousands of annoyed parents who attempted in vain to pick up after the kids while barking comments such as, “hey, I still have to work, you know,” “tidy your room if you want something to do,” and “I told you I’d bring you to the pool this weekend.”

Read more at wurst.lu.