At last: You can now take your car onto the tram

After years of head-scratching and wondering why so many commuters continually refuse to take public transport even as infrastructure such as the tramline improves, officials have decided to just allow people to bring their cars onto the tram.

“The problem is not so much that commuters don’t want to take the tram,” said Jos Zuch, a spokesperson for the Ministry of Fresh Ideas. “Everybody loves the tram. It’s sleek, modern, usually clean, and it comes every three minutes.”

The problem, Zuch says, is that people simply do not want to leave their cars.

“They may love the tram, but they love their cars a thousand times more,” he said. “Cars mean comfort. Cars mean security. Cars mean mummy, daddy, crib, and blanky.”

“Googoo,” he added. “You get my point, I hope.”

Under the new plan, each tram stop will be equipped with entrance and exit ramps for vehicles, he says. Although officials expect a few weeks of confusion during which drivers learn to navigate and fit their vehicles snugly into the individual tram cars, they firmly believe that the plan will provide a host of benefits.

“We expect to see the number of tram passengers quadruple,” he says. “The roads will be less clogged, the number of daily traffic jams will plummet, workers will no longer be late for work, and overall, commuters will be happier.”

“Unfortunately, there may be little space left in the tram for non-drivers,” he added. “These people can take a bus as they used to, or walk or ride bicycles, activities which are good for them anyway and will now be more enjoyable with car-free streets.”

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