Four uses of processionary caterpillars

Oak processionary caterpillars are back. These creatures eventually turn into moths – great food for local bats, birds, or the neighbor’s dog that will eat pretty much anything – but in the caterpillar stage, their bodies are covered with toxic bristles that irritate the skin and lungs.

As annoying as they are, Luxembourg residents can actually take advantage of oak processionary caterpillars and put them to good use.

Mustache

Beards are out. Lip hair is in. However, not everyone can grow a mustache. Well, now everyone can have one. An oak processionary caterpillar is just the right size to make your lip shine bright. (It may be a good idea to have corticosteroid cream and other treatments on hand, as well as pins to keep the caterpillar in place.)

© iStock / J.P. Gomez

All-natural home security system

Allowing your house to be covered by oak processionary caterpillars is a great way to fend off burglars, door-to-door salesmen, and other unwanted guests. Granted, you may find that you are unable to leave until the caterpillars turn into pupae, but that will certainly be good rationale to oblige your company to let you telework.

© iStock / J.P. Gomez

Corporate speaker

Every company in Luxembourg has found themselves in need of a speaker at an event. Processionary caterpillars have the insight and experience to motivate your staff with talks like “The Power of Transformation: From Prickly and Toxic to Winged and Agile” and “How to Work as a Team by Sticking Yourself to Your Colleague’s Butt.”

© iStock / J.P. Gomez

Substitute for kids

Why spend all the time and money raising kids for 18 years when you can just take care of an oak processionary caterpillar for a season? Like kids, they eat everything in sight, have little ability to anticipate the consequences of their actions, and will one day fly away, leaving you with nothing but the husk of a cocoon. As a bonus, you don’t even have to worry about buying their clothes.