Comparing all-inclusive resorts to prisons where you must dominate or be dominated, a vacationing father has woken up early to place a towel over an entire Mallorca hotel swimming pool.

For years, Bruno Albrecht, aged 44, has been known to friends and family for waking up at 5:45 a.m. while on vacation in order to claim sun loungers for himself and everyone in his party.

However, starting about ten years ago, his efforts began to be sabotaged by other hotel guests who would regularly remove his towels and place their own.

"I had to take it to the next level," said the father of three who admits to being passive-aggressive. 
 
"They may take my chaises longues, but we’ll get the entire pool," he continued. "They will look at us with envy as my kids splash and play in the water while their own whine and suffer from heat and boredom."
 
The towel he used to cover most of the pool’s surface weighs 320 kilos and is so large it had to be delivered by a military helicopter days before the family's arrival, Albrecht says. 
 
According to sources from within the family, Albrecht sees summer holidays less as leisure and more as a fight for survival. 
 
"My dad treats the buffet as a battle," said daughter Stephanie, aged 16. "He’s the captain, and as soon as we enter the restaurant, he shouts orders at us, who's got to secure the table, who's got to procure the carafe of rosé, and who's got to sprint to get pizza slices before they disappear."
 
Albrecht's wife confirms that the family has not actually been able to relax while on summer vacation for a long time.
 
"The slightest delay or inconvenience during check-in can make Bruno's face turn bright red, and his eyes get all bloodshot, and he starts demanding a discount," said wife Anja, aged 43. "God forbid they forget the rollaway bed for our third child or give us a room facing the street instead of the beach."
 
"You might as well insult his mother, spit on his family name, and kick him in the shins," she added.

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