Saying that the information is far too important for anyone else to have, a Luxembourg resident has locked up the phone number of a reliable handyman as if the number contained nuclear codes.

The name and number was written on a piece of paper and placed inside of an underground vault the woman who possesses the information had installed in her home.

"It took me six years of asking around to find this guy," said the woman who asked not to be named. "Every social gathering, every expat Facebook group, every interaction with every neighbor."

"He's affordable, available, and most shocking of all, he’s licensed," she added.

The woman says that even her closest friends don’t know about the information she holds.

"They would use flattery, trickery, and alcohol to try to get it out of me," she said.

Upon hearing of the story, the underground expat information network known as I’m Looking For declared they need this information.

"If we had this guy's phone number, we could fix our leaky sinks, install the shelves that have been sitting in their boxes for months, and rewire the doorbell that has literally not worked since we moved into our homes two years ago," said the group's leader, who also asked not to be named.

"A word of warning to the person who's got the handyman’s phone number," she said. "We'll do whatever it takes to get it."

"Assuming he speaks some English," she added.

The expat network is not the only interested party. A consortium of medium- to large-sized companies that specialize in plumbing, painting, and electrical work has warned that the information must be found and destroyed.

"There are large corners of the national economy that are built on providing services to expats and subjecting them to long delays, poor service, inflated prices for parts, intentionally confusing billing codes, and comically gross exaggerations of time spent," said the consortium’s president, who also asked not be named.

"If this handyman’s contact info gets out there, it could bring the whole system down."

According to one source embedded in the secretive world of expat support groups, rumor has it that someone, somewhere also has the contact information for a hairdresser that does not require taking out a small loan, a bank that actually welcomes retail clients, and a restaurant where staff will cheerfully serve you tap water as long as you ask for it.

Read more at wurst.lu.