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A man who was minding his own business has been assaulted with German, according to reports.
The incident occurred on Monday at a petrol station in Bereldange, which is a neighborhood in Luxembourg City where such incidents are rare.
"I filled up my car, went inside, and inspected the labels on the protein bars that were on sale," said Max Simpel. "I'd just left the gym. It was leg day. I wanted to maximize my gains."
Simpel says that when he took a handful of protein bars to the cashier to pay, that is what he was attacked.
"She said something in German," he said. "Totally unexpected. There was no way for me to physically or mentally prepare."
Simpel says that thanks to quick thinking, he raised his hand and held up four fingers, which corresponded to the number of the pump he had used.
However, the attack was not over. The cashier went on to pummel him with a series of brutal questions in German, forcing him to nod or shake his head at random.
Despite the obvious horror he was experiencing, no witnesses intervened. Simpel says that in the future, he will be prepared with some basic defensive expressions such as "nein danke."
Experts say that while such assaults are commonplace and even welcomed in the east and north of the country, in Luxembourg City, they are quite rare.
Still, these statistics give little comfort to expats such as Simpel and Seema Chawla, who describes a similar incident which also took place at a petrol station in Luxembourg City, this one located in Hamm.
Fortunately for her, the assault ended when she produced her debit card and paid the amount on the machine.
"I was lucky," she said.
Last November, yet another attack was reported by two Bavarian tourists who claimed they were assaulted with French at a brasserie in Place d'Armes. However, observers say that the couple exaggerated or even fabricated the attack.
"French is the language of lavender perfume, flaky croissants, and adorable little sun hats that children wear when collecting shells on the beach," says Victoria Frank-Lee, an amateur wordologist and author of "Languages I Like: A Subjective Guide."
"German is the language of power tools like jackhammers and chainsaws, large piles of gravel, and cement mixers."
"And to be fair, English is the language of animated farm animals, teenagers high-fiving, and artificially flavored hamburger condiments," she added.
