© Credit: iStock / J.P. Gomez
As most residents of the Grand Duchy prepare for their annual migration to southern coasts, many are struck by the horrifying realization that they have failed to develop a beach body. Not to worry, because increasingly, savvy beachgoers are choosing to turn into crabs for their summer holidays. Not only is it a great way to shed weight and look amazing, but it offers other beach-related benefits.
As a crab, you’ll have a skinny body that will make other holiday-makers eye you with envy and say, “whoa, check out that hot, chiseled exoskeleton.” In fact, you’ll be able to boast that you haven’t got a single gram of fat on your whole body.
There’s no surer way to arouse the admiration of other beachgoers than by showing off your perfectly sculpted legs. Imagine the jealousy and fascination of bipeds lounging nearby as they watch you all apply sun lotion to all 10 of your legs.
Abs to die for
As a crab, your belly will be made of hard, calcium-fortified chitin, basically hard little plates. Even the fittest lifeguard with the most defined six pack won’t be able to compete with your rock-hard abs.
Dieting made easy
No matter which fad diet you follow, it’s easy when you are a crab. Rather than get tempted by ice cream and sugary drinks, you’ll be more enticed by snails, worms, and rotting sea life that has washed up on the shore – a total low-carb diet that will make others say, “how do you do it so easily?”
Save money on lodging
By far, the biggest expense of traveling is accommodation, especially in the months of July and August. As a crab, you’ll be able to save money by snoozing on the beach or in the water. Just make sure you don’t get picked up and smashed by an unruly toddler or pecked to death by a hungry, long-beaked bird.
Instantly get other beachgoers to move
While some people see crabs as wondrous creatures or fun playthings, the majority view them as giant sand spiders. As a crab, you’ll be able to instantly get a prime spot on the beach. All you have to do is tickle beachgoers’ feet with your little claws or look at them with your creepy little eyes, and they’ll be running away in no time, leaving the best places for you.
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