© The Luxembourg Wurst
Taking advantage of what seems to many residents as a cruelly disproportionate amount of rain that falls here, Luxembourg has announced it will host the world’s first Rain Olympic Games.
Among the dozens of sports that competitors will be able to play and spectators will be able to watch, these are the most highly anticipated.
Competitive rain-related chitchat
Standing in a circle outside, competitors will make obvious comments about the rain, such as, “it’s really coming down” or “wow, it’s really raining.” The winners will be those who manage to continue talking about the rain while showing convincing enthusiasm for the topic.
This sport, which also happens to be fun for dogs, involves having one of your legs entirely covered with rainwater. Competitors have three seconds to shake off as much water as possible, much as one might discreetly do before stepping into a friend’s house after having walked there in a downpour.
Rather than using furled umbrellas as épées, this sport requires participants to walk past each other on a narrow sidewalk during heavy rain while holding unfurled umbrellas above their heads. Those who can avoid getting their umbrellas bumped to the side and manage to keep them directly above their heads – preventing any drops from falling on their coats – will win.
Figure puddle avoiding
Walk around Luxembourg City when it’s raining and you’ll see dozens of well-dressed office workers and fashionistas engaged in all sorts of weird or creative movements and contortions in order to avoid stepping in puddles and getting their €150 pair of shoes wet. Such puddle avoiding will now be a competitive event, with the stretchiest, zaniest, or most artistic moves resulting in medals.
Everyone knows how annoying it is when you complain about the crappy weather and someone says, “well, we need rain for the plants and trees and baby worms,” right? Now imagine how difficult it would be to tolerate such comments for hours on end. The restraint sport requires you to stand at a fake bus stop, totally exposed to a heavy storm, while a cheerful person next to you lists hundreds upon hundreds of reasons why rain is actually good and why you should welcome it. The competitors who can withstand these comments for the longest period of time without losing their minds will win.
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