KIRCHBERG -- Hundreds of savage bank employees swarmed into the Auchan commercial centre around 12:30 p.m. on Friday, fanning out in every direction and cleaning out all of the estimated 1500 freshly made sandwiches in just over four minutes.

Katrin Mikko, out shopping with her newborn son, was queuing at one of the downstairs bakeries when suddenly she heard a great rumbling followed by the sound of countless pairs of loafers and high heels sprinting across a hard floor.

“I looked toward the main entrance and they were running at us, ravenous beasts in business attire, milk foam from their morning cappuccinos still visible on the corners of their mouths,” the 34-year-old said. “I screamed, took my baby in my arms, and curled into a defensive posture.”

She and her child were quickly surrounded by a pack of feral bankers, all of them snarling and barking sandwich orders at the frightened bakery employee.

“One gentleman in an ill-fitting suit and a grey tweed cap was shouting in English that he wanted a chicken curry sandwich, and the poor girl kept replying in French that they didn’t have any more, and the guy kept asking because he couldn’t understand,” Mikko said. “Madness.”

Hairdresser Martine Hammond, 27, who works upstairs, says she feared for her life.

“I looked down and saw a wave of people in black and grey jackets sweep up every morsel of food in its path,” she said. “One male got separated from the mob, ran up the escalator and spirited towards me with a crazy look in his eyes.”

“We tried closing the gate, but we were too slow and he managed to get inside,” she continued. “So I threw my half-eaten salad from yesterday and a packet of old biscuits at him.”

“He thanked me very politely and went back to his office across the street,” she added.

Financial sector biologist Mattieu Borghese says that it’s not uncommon for Luxembourg bank employees to form large packs and take over places where sandwiches are sold.

“We don’t know if it’s the cooling weather or a sudden increase in workload that prevents them from having a sit-down lunch, but this type of swarming behavior does sometimes occur,” he said. “It’s scary to get caught in one, but as long as you step to the side and let the middle-aged manager in the black suit get the last ham and emmental baguette, you’ll be fine.”

Borghese says that drivers who find themselves on Avenue John F. Kennedy at lunchtime should also exercise caution, as bank employees are known to cross the street en masse -- even when the pedestrian crossing light is red. In one famous case from 2015, six family members in a Renault Espace were nearly devoured when dozens of office workers believed the stopped car was a food truck and mistook the passengers for giant kebabs.


Photo credit: Matt Brown / Creative Commons