Ah, dating in the modern world. It’s a tricky one, especially with the rise of dating apps. Do they just want a hook-up? A relationship? Who bloody knows. Whatever your poison, be it Tinder, Bumble, Badoo, or what not, if you’ve gone on a dating app, then you could possibly do with some guidance.

Navigating the waters of online dating can make you question yourself constantly. What exactly is protocol for writing a bio? Do I write all my hearts’ desires and a full on profile, or do I stick to Emojis? Read on for some, admittedly, quite harsh guidance… . Word to the wise, this article is more of a list of don’ts than both do’s and don’ts.

Do add something to your bio. Men, especially! There are so many complaints about girls not writing to guys, but having an empty bio won't help you out there.
If you want a girl to write to you, you need to give her a bone (NOT that kind of bone!). How can you expect someone to start a conversation when you give them nothing to work with? We all know how much we hate the "Hiya, how you doing?".

Don’t just post pictures of groups. Nobody wants to play a guessing game on who the person they might match with is. It always ends up being the less attractive person, anyway. (On that note, maybe try to ditch your attractive friends in pictures, they’ll steal the show from you.)

Don’t post a picture of a car. Just a car. What on earth are you trying to gain with this? I want to date a person, not a vehicle.

Do be prepared to see people you know on Tinder, even family members. Luxembourg is small, we all know that, so just swipe left if necessary.

Don’t post a picture of yourself with your latest hunting trophy. This may be due to an innate desire to prove to women that you can provide for them, but we no longer live like Neanderthals, and thanks to modern inventions, women can purchase their own food and don’t require a provider 😊 Ain’t modernity wonderful?

Don’t lie about your age. If your age is set to 24, only for your bio to say ’18 lol!’, I will instantly unmatch you. GTFO if you’re underage, especially. [The below video is basically my reaction to this as well as more generally an absolute tune.]

Do try and add something interesting to your bio. Everybody loves food and traveling, so maybe go for a two truths and one lie?

Don’t be passive aggressive, ie “6 ft 0 because apparently that’s important,” or “If you’re not going to respond to me, then don’t match.”

Do make it fun. If you’re despairing at the options on your dating apps, make a game out of it! Get some friends together and play Tinder bingo and see who ticks the most boxes first. Ideal Tinder bingo categories are: Snapchat filters, group photos, picture with an exotic animal, sunglasses in all photos, etc

Don’t be abusive. I mean, this goes without saying really, but if someone rejects you, there’s no need to be super horrible. Chill. People don’t owe you anything.

Do remember that expressing your love of craft beer/gin is not a substitute for personality.

Don’t put passive aggressive phrases like ‘No drama *peace sign*’ on your bio. Everyone knows it means exactly the opposite.



Do smile in pictures.

Don’t just post repeated selfies, especially close-ups of your face.

Don’t use pixelated photos. You’re using a smart phone for this app, so do us the courtesy of uploading some high-quality pictures.

Do chat to people. Yeah, Tinder and its ilk are self-esteem boosts, but an ever better boost is to chat with your matches and get on with them. Who knows, you might even get a date!

Don't post a picture of yourself with a drugged-up tiger. It ain't woke.

Do avoid copy/paste bios, such as 'Hoping to leave the single market before Britain', or '"He's a handsome lad!!!" - My mum'.

Don't post anything fetish-y on Tinder. Sorry to kinkshame, but there are sites for that.

Do have an etiquette for when you come across close friends on Tinder. Decide never to mention it and swipe left quickly or give 'em a solidarity like. Either way, don't dwell on it for days.

Don't catfish. Do you think the person you're catfishing will suddenly realise they're attracted to you even once they find out you don't look like an Instagram model? The answer is no.

Don't just list a number of attributes you want your other half/one night stand to be. Pickiness never gets you anywhere.

Hopefully that is enough to guide you through the world of online dating. Dating apps can be a cesspool, but with these tips (albeit with a pinch of salt!) you may find your one true love/one night stand.