Fun is the prefix of mediocrity: fun park, funhouse, fun ride, and of course, funfair.

My quarrel is not with fun itself, but with what gets marketed under that name.

It is not because I am a curmudgeonly middle-aged man. I have always disliked words beginning with fun; indeed, I would rather go to a funeral than to any other so-called fun event.

In my haughty, privileged, opinion, bright flashing lights are not exciting, and bland, generic chart music played on poor-quality sound systems does not butter my parsnips. The sweet, sickly smell of waffles, ice cream and sugar in all its forms does not blend well with cigarette and vape smoke – although sometimes it is hard to know which is which.

I simply do not understand what it is at events like the Schueberfouer that attracts people. As a Brit, I am often amused at people’s inability to queue when I am abroad; so why the sudden eagerness to queue for a small, expensive imitation of a bona fide ride, or for overpriced snacks, or any other ‘fun’ (read: mediocrity) activities?

If you really like fun parks, there are all manner of exciting rides – multitudes of them – in their natural environments, like Europa-Park. Better food, better drinks, better music are all available without the general unpleasantness, and often cheaper elsewhere.

During Schueberfouer, one dreads the Limpertsberg invasion on the tram. Security guards somehow make it feel more secure and less secure at the same time.

I also believe it is not an optimal environment for children. Everything is designed to hypnotise and tempt, rewards offer poor reinforcement value, and many of the guests are more interested in getting monoculously drunk, than anything wholesome.

I know many Luxembourgers hold this ancient funfair dear to their hearts, but I will never be convinced – and I doubt I’m alone.

The identity of the Grinch remains anonymous, but is known by a select few at the RTL Today team.

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