Right, it's a bit of an odd situation we have found ourselves in today. We are going to need you to cast your minds back a little bit.

It might help if you put on some whale songs music, brew yourself some chamomile, lie back in the comfy chair and count backwards from ten. Are you ready?

Remember when you've been on a beach holiday. Somewhere nice and hot. You remember the sand between you toes or the battle for a sun lounger in the early hours of the morning. You recall the cheap but 'free' open bars and the 'disco greats' dance floors. You recall meeting your new 'besties' whom you've never spoken to since. You distinctly replay the dodgy local grub you wolfed down late one night and the 'trots'. You feel the prickly heat of a little too much sun and not enough sun cream?

You remember the trip back to the airport and the holiday ending way too soon...times flies and all?

You remember wanting to wear your holiday clothes back to the plane and you'd just throw a jacket on if it got too cold.

You remember everyone looking at you as if you had gone mad in shorts, vest, t-shirt, as you flip-flopped through departures...

This is all familiar.

You remember that when the plane touched down and people applauded just because the pilot managed to do their job and the music played that the flight was on time, as if it was some kind of a miracle?

You remember taking your belt off before the lights came on? Standing up before you were told it was OK? Opening the luggage compartment before the person next to you dared to even try.

You remember getting to the doors of the plane before cabin crew had ripped off the security tag?

You recall being desperate to get back to the place you'd run from 10-14 days ago.

You needed to get the duty free gifts to their recipients double quick. The flowers needed watering. The lawn needed mowing.

The doors opened and you were met with a rush of surprisingly 'fresh' air. You remember that it was bloody bastard cold. Your ankles and shins bitten first. Then your knees.

The up draft dancing a cool calypso up to your nether regions.

Cold as balls, you muppet. Cold as balls.

It looked normal enough. Sun, shine. But no heat. Exactly like the inside of a fridge when you open the door.


You remember all that?

And you remember that it is July...

Well, today is precisely like that. Cold as a witche's proverbial but looking quite nice. As cold as the look your better half gives you when you've let out an after dinner burp on the stroll back along the beach...

Snap and we're back in the room.

Now, RTL Today takes no responsibility if, say, on Wednesday you suddenly have the urge to bark like a dog at your neighbor's cat, or on, say, Thursday suddenly feel like being a little teapot...that's just pure coincidence.