Daleks are not what they said they were!

Footage showing a fleet, no wait, an army of "automatic sperm extractors" has gone viral this week.


Well, mainly due to the fact that if the singularity does happen, it best occur due to the melding of intelligence, human and artificial and NOT due to the smashing of penises in horny robotic receptacles.


A Chinese company that created a human sperm extractor several years ago has hit the press again due to the internet getting too worked up about this type of thing.

Apparently this all stems from the fact that falling sperm donations have been related to the 'shame and embarrassment that men feel' when having to ejaculate in a pressurized environment, such as a doctor's clinic or hospital.

These 'machines' make light work of the task, don't make eye contact, commence idle chit-chat, or make you feel guilty for not calling them back....though presumably there'll be an app for this sort of thing - and are said to be primed to revolutionize sperm donations.

© AngryMan

Press material from Sanwe, who produce the contraption, states:

"It can simulate a vaginal environment, through massage, twitching, sucking, vibration, etc., act upon the human penis, which can make semen collection fast and safe. So it is the best clinical equipment of sperm collection," 

It isn't a simple case of flinging it in, then lying back and thinking of Beijing, however. You need to stand for one...but the units come with adjustable heights, speeds and temperatures.

Why someone would be too embarrassed to masturbate in a hospital setting, but somehow be fine having sex with some sort of Dalek fitted with a pump-action vagina is a topic that's tearing across the interwebs.

The machine, which is available on Alibaba in pink and grey, is also fitted with a "premature ejaculation desensitization training function".

"The strong currents impact and rub the glans penis repeatedly in order to reduce the excitability of nerve endings so as to passivate external nerve of glans penis, sulcus coronarius, and the surface of the penis," the Jiangsu Sanwe Medical Science and Technology Center wrote of their device on Alibaba, just to really drill in the message. "And regulate the sex nerve center in order to minimize nerve sensitivity, improve ejaculatory threshold to treat premature ejaculation."

They only cost a cool $5-6K, after all.

What price for a slice of humanity?